


this feels right and i'm letting it

by spinnerofyarns



Category: Babylon Berlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Fluff, Found Family, Friends to Housemates to Lovers really, Friends to Lovers, Gen, Gereon Isn't Sure How To Handle People Being Nice To Him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-23
Updated: 2020-10-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 23:13:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 17,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24883642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spinnerofyarns/pseuds/spinnerofyarns
Summary: When Lotte and Toni need a place to stay, Gereon volunteers his spare room, not really understanding what he's getting into.He doesn't regret it.
Relationships: Gereon Rath & Charlotte Ritter, Gereon Rath/Charlotte Ritter
Comments: 33
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Apparently my Fic Niche is cute fluffy found family stuff, where characters who are used to struggling and being lonely and unloved finally get to be part of a proper family. And Gereon, Lotte, and Toni all really needed that.
> 
> Title from "10am Gare du Nord" by Keaton Henson

There’s a young girl sitting at Lotte’s desk when Gereon walks into the precinct. He’s taken aback for a moment, but then remembers the girl he saw when he went to look for Lotte at her old flat. This must be Toni, Lotte’s sister, and she looks on the verge of tears. Gereon is about to stride into his office – Lotte isn’t far behind him, she just needed to pick up a report from the pathologist – when Toni calls his name and he turns around.

“Inspector Rath,” she repeats, “right? You came to our old place once, looking for my sister?”

“That’s right,” Gereon says. “She’ll be here in a few minutes, she’s just picking up some paperwork. What brings you here?”

Toni sniffles. “It’s nothing,” she mumbles. “I just – I need to talk to Lotte. I’m sorry.” She fidgets nervously with her hands and Gereon notices what looks like a bruise around her wrist. She looks at a point over his shoulder and her eyes brighten as Lotte enters the room.

“Toni! What happened?” Lotte drops the reports hastily onto her desk and Gereon steps back and heads into his office to give them some space. Through his window, he watches as Lotte hugs Toni, wiping tears from her eyes, and talks to her seriously and urgently. He looks down at a file on his desk as Lotte approaches his office and knocks on the door.

“Gereon, is it all right if I take the afternoon off?” she asks. “Something came up and I…I need to deal with it right away.”

“Of course,” Gereon says immediately. “Is your sister all right?”

Lotte sighs. “Something happened and we….we need to get our things out of the flat and find a new place to live.”

“Do you have a place to stay now?” Gereon asks.

“We’ll figure something out. A hotel, or something…” she trails off, and Gereon knows she’s running the mental calculations.

“Come stay with me,” he offers, before he can reconsider.

“I don’t want to impose –“

“You wouldn’t be. I have a spare bedroom, now that Helga and Moritz are – now that they’ve left.” _And it’s horribly lonely_.

Lotte bites her lip.

“I don’t expect – that is, I wouldn’t ask anything of you,” Gereon says quickly. “Really, I’m just offering as a friend, a colleague, someone who cares about you.” Mostly he doesn’t want to think about the things Lotte would have to do to pay for a hotel room, about what went on in the basement of Moka Efti.

Lotte relents. “Just for a few nights,” she says. “Until I can find a new place.”

“As long as you need,” Gereon says. “Here, take my keys so you can let yourselves in, and here’s the address.” He tears a piece of paper off his notepad and writes out the address, as neatly as he can, and passes it and the keys to Lotte. “The larger one is for the front door, the smaller one is for the flat.”

“Thank you, Gereon,” Lotte says. “This is…incredibly kind.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Gereon says. “What else are friends for?” _Besides_ , he thinks, _it’s a little bit selfish too._ He’s been lonely since Helga and Moritz left, not that he’d ever admit it to anyone, and the flat is far too big and quiet for him alone. “It might be a bit untidy,” he apologizes. “I’ll be home in a few hours, I’ll help you settle in.” He pauses, thinks again about the bruises on Toni’s wrists and about that vile brother-in-law. “Unless you’d like me to come help you collect your things,” he offers. “You know, as police protection.”

That earns him a half-smile. “I think I’ve got it covered. But it’s very kind of you to offer. I’ll see you tonight, then.”

Gereon nods. “Tonight.”

He whiles away the next few hours going over his and Lotte’s notes from the most recent interrogations. He gives the pathology report a wide berth – he’s never particularly enjoyed them, and Lotte has a real knack for summarizing them without making him retch.

It’s just past 6 when he finishes his interrogation report and leaves the building. The whole way home he fidgets with his tie and the cuffs of his shirt, thinking anxiously of the mess in his apartment, the tangled sheets on his bed, the dishes in the kitchen sink.

He arrives at his building at the same time as one of his neighbors is heading out, and his heart pounds in his ears as he walks up the stairs. He knocks tentatively on the door of the flat, which swings open to reveal a smiling Lotte.

“Gereon,” she says, “your flat is _beautiful_!”

“Thank you,” Gereon mumbles, taking off his hat and coat, and kneeling to unlace his brogues. When he straightens up, he looks at the room again, trying to see it with Lotte’s eyes. It’s quite nice – large windows that let in plenty of light even this late in the day, comfortable furniture, high ceilings and plenty of space – but all he feels is crushing awful emptiness.

“I made dinner,” Lotte says. “Come eat with us!”

It’s such an ordinary sentence, and Gereon can’t explain why it makes his heart ache. “I’ll just be a minute,” he mumbles, and heads into the bathroom. He braces himself against the sink, drawing a deep shaky breath and clenching his jaw. _Don’t cry_ , he thinks. _This was your idea_.

He just hadn’t expected that they would treat him like family.

Gereon washes his hands and splashes some water on his face before heading to the kitchen to join Lotte and Toni at the dinner table.

Dinner is potato soup – simple, but warm and filling and delicious and the first home-cooked meal Gereon has had in…a while. When they finish eating, he insists on washing the dishes.

“It’s the least I can do, you made a wonderful meal,” he says as Lotte gets up to join him at the sink.

“Don’t be ridiculous, you’re giving us a place to stay.”

“You’re _guests_! You’re my – you’re my _friends_ , what was I supposed to do, leave you out on the street?” He regrets it as soon as he says it, seeing Lotte purse her lips.

“Sorry,” he says, instinctively.

“We would have been fine,” Lotte says. “Really.”

Gereon rinses a bowl and reaches for a dish towel. “I know,” he says. “But…you deserve better than ‘fine’.”

Lotte doesn’t respond to that. Gereon washes the remaining dishes, dries them, and tucks them away in a cupboard.

“I’ll sleep on the sofa,” he says. “Let me just clean up my room, you can sleep there and Toni can take the other bedroom.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Lotte says again. “It’s your home.”

“And you’re my guest,” Gereon insists, heading to his bedroom. He pulls the sheets – and his pajamas – off the bed into a pile on the floor, to send out with his laundry, and digs through his wardrobe for fresh ones.

“At least let me help,” Lotte says, picking up a pillowcase and sliding it over one of the pillows. She fluffs the pillow before placing it back on the bed as Gereon tucks the corners of a fresh sheet under the mattress and arranges the duvet neatly on the bed.

“We’ll both sleep in the other bedroom,” Lotte says. “I’ve been sharing a bed with Toni since she was born, I don’t think either of us will be able to sleep on our own.”

Gereon cannot imagine ever being that close to a sibling – even when he went to Severin after nightmares as a child, he always returned to his own room once he’d calmed down.

Lotte sighs. “Really, Gereon,” she says. “You’ve done more than enough for us. Thank you.”

“You don’t need to thank me,” Gereon answers, sitting down on the bed. “It’s the least I could do.”

Lotte squeezes his shoulder. “It’s more than I ever expected.” She pauses in the doorway. “I’m going to help Toni with her math homework, we’ll be in the kitchen if you get lonely.”

Gereon half-smiles. “I’ll join you in a minute or two,” he says. “I mean, I’ve always been useless at math,” he adds, “but I can help with history, or Latin if she’s taking that.”

“Latin?” Lotte raises an eyebrow.

“I was raised _very_ Catholic,” Gereon explains. “Before the war, I was supposed to join the clergy.”

Lotte scrutinizes him. “I can’t imagine you as a priest,” she says. “Though I think you’d look quite handsome in a black robe.”

Gereon chuckles. “Yes, well,” he says, “some things just aren’t meant to be, I suppose.”

“No,” Lotte agrees. “Well. Come join us when you’re feeling up to it.”

She leaves, and Gereon stays on the bed, covering his face with his hands. He sits like that for a few moments, drawing deep breaths trying to calm his racing heart. _Handsome!_ he thinks, then curses himself for latching on to that word. _She was joking, don’t be an idiot_.

He hears laughter from the kitchen and smiles in spite of himself – it’s been a long time since he heard that sound in his flat.

He stands up and goes back to the kitchen. Lotte and Toni are seated at the table, heads bent over Toni’s math book. Gereon glances at it as he passes only to confirm to himself that yes, numbers still make his head spin.

“I’m making hot cocoa,” he announces. “Do either of you want any?”

“Yes, please, Inspector Rath,” Toni says.

“Toni, I’ve told you, you can call me Gereon,” he says, smiling. “Lotte? What about you?”

“I’d love some,” Lotte says. “Thank you.”

“This is about the extent of my culinary abilities,” Gereon jokes, stirring cocoa powder and milk in a pot on the stove. “Well, this and toast.” He pours the hot chocolate into three cups, handing the first two to Lotte and Toni. When he turns to head to his room, Lotte stops him.

“Where are you going?” she asks.

“Oh I thought I’d…” he waves vaguely in the direction of his room, “give you some space.”

“Don’t be silly,” Lotte says. “Sit with us! Maybe you’ll be able to help us figure out this geometry problem, the more brains on it the better.”

Gereon laughs. “Geometry was my absolute worst subject,” he says. “Math and drawing, two things I never quite figured out.”

“We’re studying volumes,” Toni says, “and I can’t figure out how to find the volume of a sphere. It’s…something with the radius cubed, right?”

“I think pi is involved in it too,” Gereon says. “I have…no idea beyond that.”

“I had to – to leave school before we covered this stuff,” Lotte sighs. “I can do arithmetic, easily, I don’t even need paper most of the time, but anything beyond that is a massive question mark.”

“Well, you’re still one up on me,” Gereon says. “The only time I’ve cried in class was when I was ten years old and had a math teacher who gave us three-minute arithmetic tests with a hundred problems. I never even got close to finishing one of those.” He shudders.

Toni chews on the end of her pencil, and Lotte automatically reaches to pull it out of her mouth. “Don’t be gross,” she says.

“I’m just going to put pi r cubed,” Toni says. “We’ll be reviewing these tomorrow, I’ll put the right answer then.” She writes out the answer. “Besides, when am I actually going to need to use this?”

Gereon half-smiles. “I don’t think I’ve used even a fraction of the things I learned in school,” he admits. “Certainly not math.”

“My favorite subject is biology,” Toni says, putting her math notes away. “We’re going to dissect frogs next week!”

“When I was growing up, we caught our own frogs for biology class,” Gereon says. “One day after school our teacher took us out to the pond behind the school and we each had to catch a frog. Then the teacher would preserve them in chemicals and a few days later we dissected them.”

“That sounds like a good time,” Lotte says.

“Not really – a bunch of twelve-year-old boys out in nature with only one supervising adult? It was a mess. I got pushed into the pond.” Gereon shudders.

“And you didn’t beat the snot out of the kid who pushed you?” Lotte asks, raising her eyebrows. “That doesn’t sound like you.”

Gereon chuckles. “I wasn’t particularly hot-headed as a child,” he says. “I was…small. Quiet.” _Weak. Awkward._ “If we’d met when we – well, before the war, when I was younger, you wouldn’t have looked twice at me.”

“Well,” Lotte says, sipping her cocoa, “isn’t it nice that we met when we did?”

Gereon isn’t sure how to answer that, so he takes a large sip of cocoa instead.

“Do you have any plans for tonight?” Lotte asks. Gereon shakes his head.

“Not really,” he says. _Besides drinking until I fall asleep._ “What about you?”

“No. I haven’t been out in…a while. Not since…” she trails off, and Gereon knows she’s thinking about Vera. “It’s just not the same.”

“Well then,” Gereon says. “A quiet night in?”

Lotte nods. “That sounds lovely.”

Gereon stands up and picks up the cups. “I’ll wash these,” he says. “Why don’t you two pick out a record for us to listen to?”

Lotte joins him by the sink. “I’ll help,” she says. “It’s the least I can do.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Gereon says, but Lotte is already wiping down a cup with a tea towel.

“Where do these go?” she asks. Gereon points to a cupboard, and Lotte places the cup back on a shelf.

“Thank you,” Gereon says quietly, handing her the last cup. Lotte just smiles at him.

In the living room, Lotte and Toni exclaim over Gereon’s record collection.

“This is amazing, Gereon,” Lotte says, “where did you get these?”

“My brother,” Gereon says. “Severin. He…left, before the war, and now he lives in New York. We write to each other, he sends me records sometimes.”

“Older or younger?” Lotte asks.

“Older,” Gereon says. “About five years.”

“Have you ever been to New York?” Toni asks.

Gereon nods. “Once, about…seven years ago now. I went to track Severin down.”

“What was it like?” Toni asks, and Gereon is ashamed to admit how little he remembers, most of the trip a blur of stress and drugs and fear that his parents would somehow find out that he wasn’t actually in Prague with his childhood friend. The thing he remembers best is seeing Severin waiting for him on a park bench, the knowledge that he was alive and well and the address Gereon had gotten from a friend of a friend hadn’t been a false trail.

“Vibrant,” he finally says. “Alive. So many things going on at once, at all hours. Concerts and parties and celebrations – so much _joy_.” An emotion foreign to him, then as now.

Toni sighs wistfully. “I want to go to New York someday. Or anywhere outside of Berlin.”

“We’ll see the world someday,” Lotte promises, and Gereon feels once again like he is intruding on their family unit. He busies himself with searching through his records, looking for one of his favorites. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really happy that so many people are enjoying my shameless silly found family fluff, so have another chapter, featuring Lotte and Gräf being Best Work Friends .

The sound of shattering glass wakes Lotte. Half asleep, she looks around for Toni and when she doesn’t see her she bolts up out of bed. When her feet hit the floor she remembers that she’s in Gereon’s flat, and heads for the kitchen, where she can hear muffled voices.

The light in the kitchen is on, and Gereon is kneeling on the floor with Toni. “It’s all right,” Lotte hears him say. “Here, let me see your hand, are you hurt?” 

Toni mumbles something that Lotte doesn’t quite catch, and Gereon shakes his head. “No, you have nothing to be sorry for, it was an accident,” he says. He looks at Toni’s hand and tuts. “You just sit for a second, I need to grab something from the medicine cabinet.” He stands up and sees Lotte in the doorway.

“What happened?” Lotte asks.

“It’s nothing,” Gereon answers. “Toni dropped a glass – careful where you step, I’m going to sweep it up after I clean up the cut on her hand.”

Lotte carefully crosses the kitchen floor to kneel beside Toni as Gereon leaves to get his first aid kit. “Are you okay?” she asks. Toni nods shakily.

“I just cut my hand a little,” she says. “It’s fine, really. I was mostly scared Mr. Rath would be angry.”

Lotte has seen Gereon angry – explosive, even – but something tells her he would never turn that rage on a child, that he knows better.

“He’s so kind,” Toni says quietly, and Lotte nods. Gereon’s kindness has always taken her by surprise, especially given his cold, gloomy demeanor.

Gereon returns with bandages, tweezers, and disinfectant. “Do you want to do it, or should I?” he asks Lotte. She takes the items from him and bends her head over Toni’s hand, while Gereon gets a broom and dustpan to clean up the broken glass.

Lotte cleans and bandages Toni’s cut, and squeezes her shoulders. “Good as new,” she says, and Toni smiles.

Gereon sweeps the glass shards into the dustpan, throws them in the garbage, and brings Toni a glass of water. “Are you okay?” he asks

“Yes. Thank you for everything, insp – Gereon.” Toni takes a sip of water.

Gereon reaches to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but stops himself. “It’s nothing,” he says, “you’re my guest, I want to make sure you’re safe.” He picks up the disinfectant and bandages. “Are you done with these?”

Lotte nods. “Thank you so much,” she says.

“I’ll go put them away.” Gereon leaves the kitchen again and Lotte pulls Toni into a tight hug.

“You’re okay,” she whispers, and she’s saying it as much to herself as to her sister. She helps Toni to her feet, and they go back to bed.

A few hours later, as the first rays of sunlight start creeping in through the windows, Lotte is woken again by a thud from Gereon’s room. Careful not to wake Toni, she gets out of bed and goes to investigate.

She finds Gereon on his bedroom floor, tangled in his duvet, groggily sitting up.

“Are you all right?” she asks. He nods.

“Did I wake you?” he asks, his voice still soft from sleep.

Lotte answers with a question of her own. “What happened?”

“I – I had a nightmare, and I must have been tossing and turning so badly I fell out of bed.” Gereon answers, getting back into bed. “It happens, it’s fine, I’ll be fine.”

He looks so small and fragile in his pajamas, his hair still mussed from sleep. Lotte wants to hug him, to run her fingers through his hair and tuck him back into bed and hold him close. Instead, she watches him burrow back under the duvet and says “Is there anything I can do?”

“Hm?”

“If you’re having violent enough nightmares to fall out of bed, I just – I’m worried,” Lotte admits. “You could seriously hurt yourself. Is there anything I can do to help you sleep better?”

“You don’t need to do anything,” Gereon says. “You’re my guest, go back to bed, I’m sorry for waking you.”

“You’re my _friend_ , Gereon,” Lotte says, in the same tone he’d used with her the previous night. “I want to help you. I can’t just leave you to suffer like that.”

“It’s fine, really,” Gereon says. “I’m used to it. That’s why I have the duvet, it’s like a cushion around anything that could get broken.”

“You deserve better than ‘fine’.”

Gereon sighs and glances at the clock. 5:47 AM. “We have to be up in less than an hour anyway,” he says, throwing off the duvet and rubbing his eyes with the heels of his hands as he sits up again. “Coffee?”

“Sure,” Lotte says. “I can make it while you get ready.”

Gereon shakes his head. “No, I – it’s better if I make it.”

“You haven’t even tried mine!” Lotte points out.

“Yes, but my process is…particular. Meticulous. I’ll make it, you go wash up.”

Lotte washes her face, brushes her teeth, and gets dressed for work in Gereon’s bathroom. She can’t wait to get a chance to use the gorgeous bathtub – it’s so much nicer than the public baths, and a chance to spend longer than 15 minutes in the water without anyone pounding on the door seems like an unbelievable luxury.

The coffee’s ready by the time she’s done, and Gereon hands her a cup as she enters the kitchen.

“Oh, it smells absolutely lovely,” she says. “Thank you.”

“Of course,” Gereon says, taking a sip of his own coffee. “I don’t know how you take it so…there’s cream and sugar on the table if you need them.”

Lotte sips her coffee and tries to hide a grimace – it’s dreadfully bitter. This explains so much about Gereon’s personality.

She adds generous quantities of cream and sugar to her cup before taking another sip. Gereon’s lips quirk up in a slight smile.

“Sweet tooth?” he quips.

“I don’t know how you can drink this straight, you’ll burn a hole in your stomach if you’re not careful!” Lotte responds. “And with no food either, Gereon, that’s not healthy. At least eat some bread!”

Gereon cuts off a slice of bread and nibbles on it half-heartedly. “I never have much of an appetite in the mornings,” he says. “My stomach doesn’t wake up with the rest of me, I guess.”

_He doesn’t have much of an appetite ever_ , Lotte thinks – on the rare occasions she has seen Gereon eat, he merely picks at his food like a bird.

“What was your nightmare about?” she asks, then realizes that’s far too personal. “Sorry, you don’t need to answer that.”

Gereon sips his coffee before answering. “A bad memory, from when I was young. I guess what happened with Toni must have brought it to the surface.” He looks at the floor, avoiding eye contact.

“I’m sorry,” Lotte says. Gereon shakes his head.

“It wasn’t your fault. And it absolutely wasn’t Toni’s fault. I just…it was a bad memory about my father, and my brother.” He grimaces, and Lotte feels a strange protective surge of anger on his behalf, at his father and brother and anyone else who ever hurt him or made him feel scared or sad or unloved.

“That’s terrible,” she says, as gently as she can. “Is there any way I can help?”

Gereon just blinks at her. “I…I don’t know,” he admits. “And anyway, you’re my guest, I couldn’t burden you like that.”

“I’m also your friend,” Lotte reminds him. “And your coworker. If you’re sleeping badly, it affects your work.”

“I’m sorry,” Gereon says in a small voice and Lotte’s heart breaks.

“That’s not what I meant,” she reassures him. “It’s – you’re not – you’re doing a good job, you always have, but…if you’re not sleeping well it’s harder to keep working. At least I know that’s true for me.” She pauses. “I just worry about you, you’ll run yourself into the ground if you’re not careful.”

Gereon says nothing, finishing his coffee and placing the cup in the sink. “I’m fine,” he finally says. “Really, you don’t need to worry about me.”

_But I do_ , Lotte thinks. “All right,” she says. “Just…please take care of yourself. You can’t burn a candle at both ends.”

“Neither can you,” Gereon points out. “I mean…you’ve been neglecting yourself too, between work and your sister, and…everything else – when was the last time you were able to take time for yourself? You just keep moving all the time, that’s a surefire way to burn yourself out.”

Lotte has to admit he has a point there. “I’m all right,” she says. “Really. But…you’re right. We both need to take better care of ourselves.”

Gereon stretches, absentmindedly rubbing his right shoulder where Bruno shot him.

“Does it hurt?” Lotte asks. Gereon shrugs.

“Sometimes,” he says. “If I sleep on it wrong, or put too much weight on it. It’s not as bad as it was, though.” He half-smiles. “And at least I got an interesting scar out of it.”

Lotte chuckles. “That’s the most important consideration, of course.”

Gereon shrugs. “At least this way I know for sure it actually happened. It was only him and me on that train, and he’s…well, you know. So this is all the evidence I have besides my memory.”

Lotte doesn’t know how to respond to that. She changes the subject instead. “So, I’m hoping to get a chance to read the pathology report today. And then we should probably speak with the victim’s flatmate, if he’s in a fit state to talk to us.”

Gereon nods. “Perhaps the neighbors too,” he says. “Maybe one of them saw something out of the window.”

Lotte glances at the clock. “I should wake Toni,” she says. “I want to walk her to school on the way to work, just to make sure she actually gets there. You don’t have to go with us,” she adds quickly.

Gereon shrugs. “It doesn’t make much of a difference to me. And we can get breakfast on the way, there’s a bakery nearby that makes delicious sweet rolls and pastries.”

“And yet you’ve never brought any to work? Come on, Gereon, even Gennat shares his favorite cakes with the team!” Lotte teases.

“My favorite thing about this place is that no one from work knows about it,” Gereon answers. “Or at least I’ve never run into any of them there. If I bring in pastries they’ll see the box and then I’ll have to make an actual effort to avoid them.” He pauses. “So you understand I have to swear you to secrecy about the existence of this bakery, right?” His mouth twitches up in a half-smile.

Lotte mimes locking her lips. “I’ll go wake Toni, and when she’s ready we can go.”

The bakery is a few blocks from Gereon’s flat, and is just opening when they arrive. Gereon orders three cinnamon buns and insists on paying – “You’re my guests!” – and Lotte’s surprised to see him smiling and joking around with the owner, Jonas.

“Wow,” she says when Gereon comes back with the box of pastries. “You’re really different when you’re at home, aren’t you?”

Gereon shrugs. “Jonas is nice. Plus, you know, I don’t want to tick off the man responsible for my breakfast.”

Lotte laughs. “Of course.”

“Do we want to find a spot to sit down, or eat while we walk?” Gereon asks.

Lotte cranes her neck to get a look at his wristwatch. “Eat while we walk,” she says. “Toni has to be at school in…twenty minutes, and we’ve got to catch the bus.”

Gereon opens the lid of the pastry box and turns it toward Lotte and Toni. Toni tentatively takes a bun and bites into it, a glowing smile slowly spreading over her face.

“It’s _delicious_ ,” she says. “Thank you, Gereon.”

Gereon smiles too. “You’re welcome,” he says, and turns the box to Lotte, who picks out a bun and thanks him.

They eat the buns mostly in silence on the walk to the bus stop, and the ride to Toni’s school. Lotte insists on waiting to make sure she goes inside – she hasn’t skipped school in a while but there’s always the possibility, especially now that they’re trying to find a new flat, that she’ll decide to go find temp work instead. When she’s satisfied that Toni is in class for the day, she turns to Gereon.

“Do you want to walk to work, or take the tram? There’s a stop a few blocks away, but the walk isn’t too bad,” she says.

Gereon shrugs and checks his watch. “Let’s walk,” he says. “We’ve got time.”

On the walk, they discuss the case, and plan to meet with the victim’s flatmate later in the afternoon. When they arrive at the Castle, Gereon disappears into Gennat’s office and Lotte heads off to the darkroom to pick up the finished crime scene photographs from Gräf.

“So,” Gräf greets her, “what’s the Inspector like when he’s at home?”

Lotte pauses to consider her answer. “Softer,” she finally says. “Not so tense and on edge all the time. He’s gentle, and he even actually _smiles_ sometimes. And he’s got an amazing record collection, you’d _die_ of jealousy.”

Gräf sighs wistfully. “Don’t tell me you waltzed in the living room, you soppy romantics.”

Lotte laughs. “You’re one to talk, you and Fred had been seeing each other for what, a week when you moved in together? And I’ve seen those looks you give each other when he picks you up after work, if anyone here is a soppy romantic it’s you, Reini.”

Gräf blushes and ducks his head over a photograph. “He’s _nice_ ,” he mumbles. “I’m just…not used to anyone being so nice.”

Lotte squeezes Gräf’s shoulder and smiles. “You deserve someone nice.”

“So do you.” Gräf responds. Lotte makes a noncommittal noise and changes the subject.

“So have you got the crime scene photos done yet?” she asks. Gräf nods and reaches for the last few pictures still drying on the clothesline strung up across the room.

“It’s looking more and more like a home invasion gone wrong,” he says, handing over the stack of photos. “Lots of stuff broken along the way, and he definitely went out the window backwards.”

Lotte nods. “That’s what we’re thinking too, but it’s awfully suspicious that none of the neighbors had any information.”

“Is it though? I mean, two young men living together – you know how people are.” Gräf fidgets with an empty film spool. “It – they might have – I don’t know. I’m not saying any of the neighbors were involved, but maybe it’s in their interests to cover it up.” He shrugs. “But I’m sure Gereon’s thought of that already.”

“I wouldn’t be so certain,” Lotte says. “You know how oblivious he can be. We can run it past him together after his meeting with Gennat.” She squeezes Gräf’s arm again. “Hey. You know we’ll protect you, yeah? And I can talk to Gereon about keeping you off this case if it’s…if you don’t want to deal with it. There’s no shame in that.”

Gräf half-smiles. “Thank you,” he says. “I think – at this kind of distance I’m fine. Just don’t make me go back to that crime scene.”

Lotte nods. “I promise you won’t have to go back there. I’ll take the camera myself if I have to.” She grins. “I mean, it’s just a couple buttons and levers, right? How hard can it be?”

“Oh, piss off,” Gräf says, but there’s laughter in his voice. “If we let you do the crime scene photos I bet at least a third will have your finger over the lens, and another third will just be pictures of Gereon doing something complicated with his eyebrows.”

“Oh like you’ve _never_ taken _any_ photos of Inspector Cheekbones at a crime scene.” Lotte responds.

Gräf shrugs. “I can neither confirm nor deny, but you won’t find any in the files.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An update! Finally!  
> I've finally figured out where I want this story to go, beyond just "adorable domestic slow burn" and "sad headcanon word-vomit". So please enjoy some Actual Plot For Once!

That evening after dinner, Lotte puts on her hat and coat to head out.

“Where are you going?” Gereon asks, concerned.

“I – I’ve picked up another job,” Lotte says. At Gereon’s furrowed brow, she clarifies, “Not what you think, I promise, it’s a stenography job. I’m helping Litten – remember, the attorney who took Greta’s case?”

Gereon nods. “Of course. Do you know when you’ll be home?”

“Don’t wait up,” Lotte says.

Gereon, of course, does wait up. He and Toni wash the dishes from dinner, then work on her homework – no math this time, for which Gereon is grateful, though the lab report about frog dissections makes him almost equally nauseous. By 10 PM, Toni is in her pajamas and tucked into bed reading one of Gereon’s books, a pulpy murder mystery that had been a particular favorite of Moritz’s.

“Don’t stay up too late reading,” Gereon says as he leaves her room, and Toni nods seriously.

Gereon goes to the living room and pours himself a glass of brandy. He flips through the newspaper delivered that morning – all gloom and doom and financial collapse – and sips at his drink meditatively, thinking about Lotte’s new side job and wondering if it will pose a conflict of interest with her police work.

He supposes he must have dozed off, because he jerks awake when he hears the door open. He glances at the clock – it’s nearly midnight. Early, for Lotte – she must have come straight home from work.

“You didn’t need to wait up,” she says when he comes to the entryway to help her with her coat and hat.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay,” Gereon says.

“I’m fine, really. Is Toni – “

“Already asleep,” Gereon says. “She’s a wonderful kid,” he adds. “We had a great chat over her homework – she’s very interested in detective work, wanted to hear all about our cases.”

Lotte smiles. “I’m – I’m glad you two get along so well,” she says. She seems preoccupied with something else, her mind clearly still in the office.

“How was Litten?” Gereon asks.

Lotte sits down heavily on the sofa. “He keeps encouraging me to go to law school and come work for him,” she says.

Gereon sits down beside her. “Do you…want to?” He can’t stand the idea of working with anyone but her, but at the same time, working for Litten would probably be less dangerous, and given what Lotte has been through since she joined the police…

“I don’t know,” Lotte says thoughtfully. “I mean…I love working with you, and I love being a detective but sometimes – well, you remember Ulrich.”

“All too well,” Gereon says. “But he’s gone now, and you know Gennat’s always on your side.”

“I don’t just mean that,” Lotte says. “Yes, most of our colleagues aren’t about to hit me with a hole punch or poison me, but they all routinely make it very clear that they don’t think I belong on the force. Because I’m a woman, or because of – because of my background, or for whatever other reason they’ve come up with. I was the one who solved the Tilly Brooks case, basically on my own, and I’m still being sent to fetch reports and make coffee.”

“And Litten is different?” Gereon asks. His heart clenches at the thought of losing Lotte, but deep down he knows she’s right – the murder division is male-dominated, and Lotte doesn’t fit in. He feels a sick surge of guilt for not standing up for her, not doing anything about their colleagues’ behavior. _Next time Böhm says something nasty I’ll punch him in the face, I swear_.

“Litten – he _respects_ me,” Lotte says, as though the very concept is new to her. “He listens to my ideas, he treats me like an equal, he’s even promised that Marie-Luise and I can join him in court on his next case. And what we’re doing is getting real results.” She thinks for a few moments. “And…after working with him, after seeing the kind of things the police are capable of – even if it’s not our division, it’s still the same force – I just don’t know if I really want to keep working in that system.”

Gereon nods. He’s had similar crises of conscience, increasingly often these days. “But maybe the best way to fix the system is from the inside,” he offers.

Lotte smiles grimly. “For you, maybe. Not for me. I’m never going to get far enough to actually do anything if I stay with the police, but as a lawyer…well, I have a better chance there, at any rate.”

“Law school is expensive,” Gereon points out.

“Marie-Luise asked around at her school, and apparently there’s a scholarship available. I’d just need to earn a high enough score on the entrance exam, and Litten said he’d help me study.”

“So are you going to do it?” Gereon asks.

Lotte shrugs one shoulder. “I’m not sure yet. I have about a month to decide. But right now…right now it’s looking awfully appealing.”

Gereon nods. “Of course. And if you need anything from me – if you need to stay here, or need me to look after Toni while you’re working, or any help preparing for the exam, or anything else, I’m here. Just ask.” He knows he will have to repeat this offer multiple times, because asking for help seems antithetical to Lotte’s entire being, but he means it. “Do you want a drink? Or something to eat?”

Lotte stretches her arms over her head. “No, thank you, I’m exhausted. I’m just going to go to bed.”

“Sleep well,” Gereon says, standing up as she leaves the room.

“You too,” Lotte replies.

Gereon spends most of the night tossing and turning, falling in and out of nightmares about horrible things happening to Lotte, and to Toni, and to him. Around 4 in the morning, he wakes screaming and immediately clamps his hands over his mouth – _idiot, you’re not alone in the flat anymore, you’ve probably woken Lotte or Toni or both of them_.

Sure enough, a few moments later Lotte knocks on his bedroom door.

“Gereon, are you all right?” she asks when he opens it. “I heard you screaming, what happened?”

“I’m fine,” Gereon says awkwardly. “It was a nightmare. I’m sorry I woke you.”

“You’re trembling,” Lotte says, and sure enough Gereon looks down to see his hands shaking. He clenches them into fists.

“Sorry,” he says. “I’m fine, really, go back to bed.”

Lotte reaches out and gently touches his arm. “Would it help if I sat with you until you fell asleep?” she asks. “I used to have bad dreams when I was younger, and Ilse would stay awake and hold me until I fell asleep. I’m – I’m not suggesting that, of course, but I thought maybe having some company would help you feel a little safer?”

Gereon feels a hot spike of shame at being treated like a child, but he has to admit it seems more appealing than the thought of trying to fall back asleep alone in a dark room, the ghosts of everyone he failed still swimming before his eyes. He moves aside to let Lotte into the room, and gets back into bed.

Lotte sits on the bed beside him, leaning against the headboard and stretching her legs along the mattress. “Close your eyes and give me your hand,” she says, and Gereon complies. She gently massages his hand, talking softly and soothingly the whole time, reassuring him that he’s safe, that she’s there, that nobody will hurt him. Gereon presses his face into his pillow so that she won’t see the tears prickling at his eyes. He can’t remember the last time someone soothed him this way, the last time anyone even cared enough to try. It must have been Severin, before he ran away – no one else in Gereon’s life has ever cared nearly that much about him.

“You poor dear,” he hears Lotte say softly, when she thinks he’s asleep, and feels another hot stab of shame and guilt and disgust with himself at being so pathetic. But then, she continues. “You deserved better, you deserved to be loved and cherished and protected, it’s not right that what they did to you still causes you so much pain.” She’s just holding his hand now, gently rubbing her thumb over his knuckles. “I just wish I knew how to help you,” she whispers.

Gereon gently squeezes her hand, overcome with emotion. It’s not pity she feels, he realizes, but he doesn’t know how to describe it. He’s never heard those words from anyone before, has always thought of himself as ungrateful and pathetic and worthless for dwelling on everything that happened when he was young. _It’s been years since then, I should have forgotten it by now._

She squeezes his hand back. “I’m here,” she says. “You’re safe. You’re going to be all right.”

A few hours later Gereon wakes with his alarm clock to find Lotte still beside him, holding his hand.

“Did you sleep at all?” he asks.

“I dozed off a little, once I was sure you were okay.”

Another sick stab of guilt. “I’m sorry.”

Lotte squeezes his hand. “You have absolutely nothing to be sorry for,” she says. “I couldn’t just leave you to struggle through it on your own, you’re my friend and I care about you.”

“Thank you,” Gereon whispers. He’s never had a friendship like this before, and he’s afraid that if he talks too much or makes any sudden moves it will all fall apart in front of him.

Lotte reaches out and gently strokes her thumb over the scar on Gereon’s cheek. “It’s what friends are for. Now come on, we have to get to work.”

Gereon washes up, shaves, and brews a pot of coffee while Lotte gets ready. Toni comes into the kitchen first, her hair already in neat plaits on either side of her head, and asks with a winning smile, “Could I have a cup of coffee?”

“Aren’t you a little young?” Gereon quips. “It stunts your growth, you know.”

Toni shrugs. “I’m taller than Lotte already,” she says. And she is – where Lotte is petite and fine-boned, her sister is lanky and long-limbed. “I think I’m as tall as you.”

“You probably are,” Gereon says. “I started drinking coffee way too young.” He smiles as he pours some coffee into a delicate porcelain cup. “Here you go,” he says. “But if Lotte gets cross with you, don’t dump the blame on me.”

“My lips are sealed,” Toni promises, taking the cup. She takes a sip and screws up her entire face. “Ugh! It’s _horrible!_ ”

“You and your sister just want everything sweet,” Gereon says, sipping his own coffee. “There’s some sugar on the table, if you want to try that.”

Toni stirs a spoonful of sugar into her coffee and finishes it, grimacing. “I don’t think I like coffee,” she says. Gereon laughs.

“You’ll change your tune when you’re older,” he says. “When you need a hit of caffeine just to stay awake and alert.”

Toni shudders and pours herself a glass of water from the sink. “I need to get that taste out of my mouth,” she says just as Lotte comes in.

“What taste?” Lotte asks.

“Coffee,” Toni grimaces. “How do you drink that stuff? It’s awful!”

“Well, I don’t take it nearly as bitter as Gereon does,” Lotte says, pouring herself a cup and adding generous quantities of sugar and cream. “Anyway, you’re too young to be drinking coffee.

Toni rolls her eyes. “I _know_ you were drinking it when you were even younger than me.”

“Yes, and look how I turned out!”

“I don’t know,” Gereon interjects. “I think you turned out quite well – you’re a detective and a legal secretary a few steps away from being a lawyer, you’re independent, and…you’re a great older sister. And a good friend.”

Lotte smiles. “Thank you, Gereon.” She glances over his shoulder at the clock on the wall. “We’d better get a move on,” she says. “We’ve got to prepare for our interrogation.”

Gereon nods, quickly finishing his own coffee. He turns to Toni. “Will you be able to get to school from here?” he asks.

“Yes,” Toni says. “It’s not far – and I got home fine yesterday, didn’t I?”

“Just wanted to make sure,” Gereon says, smiling. “Leave with us so I can lock up?”

Toni follows them out the door, and Gereon locks the apartment behind her. “I’ll make both of you copies of the keys soon,” he promises. “If I don’t have time today I’ll do it tomorrow.”

“You don’t need to do that,” Lotte says quickly.

“Yes I do, it’s ridiculous to keep asking the super to come and unlock the door for you,” Gereon says. “You can just give them back when you move out. I really should have asked Helga and Moritz to give theirs back but after…everything, I didn’t particularly want to speak to them again.”

Lotte smiles. “Understandable,” she says. “But really, you don’t need to go to all that trouble.”

“It’s no trouble at all,” Gereon says. “You’re my guests, I want you to feel comfortable coming and going as you please.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever had my own key before,” Toni says thoughtfully. It tugs at Gereon’s heart – he remembers all too well getting locked out when he was late coming home as a child, having to wait for everyone to fall asleep so Severin could sneak downstairs and let him in. He longs to hug Toni, to comfort her, but stops himself. She’s Lotte’s sister, not his.

When they arrive at work, the victim’s flatmate is already waiting for them in the interrogation room. Before they enter, Gereon puts a hand on Lotte’s shoulder.

“Do you want to handle this interrogation?” he asks. Lotte looks taken aback.

“What do you mean?” she asks.

“You ask the questions, I’ll take notes and jump in if you need backup.” He wants to show her that her gender is not an obstacle, let her show the extent of her abilities and competence.

Lotte raises her eyebrows. “Really?”

“I trust you.” _You’re brilliant, you’re the best detective I’ve ever worked with_.

Lotte smiles. “Well, if you’re sure, I’ll do it. Let’s not keep our witness waiting.” She pushes open the door to the interrogation room and greets the flatmate with a chirpy “Good morning, Mr. Weiss.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Now with 25% MORE SEVERIN!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for homophobia, and a low-ranking Nazi acting exactly as you would expect a low-ranking Nazi to act.

Gereon makes good on his promise to make copies of his house keys. After the interview with the victim’s flatmate – during which Lotte jumps on a very promising lead in the form of an ex-military neighbor who had repeated quarrels with the victim – Gereon disappears for several hours while she types up her notes. When he returns, he presents her with two sets of keys.

“Thank you,” Lotte says, turning the keys over in her hand. She has never had her own key somewhere before – nobody locked their doors where she grew up, and on the off-chance they did someone was always home to let her in, and when she and Toni had moved out they shared the keys to the flat with the bartender downstairs. But these keys are her very own, the freedom to come and go as she pleases without needing to ask anyone or wait for anyone. She blinks sharply – the last thing she wants is to get weepy about something so small in front of Gereon – and looks back at her notes.

“Of course,” Gereon says. “Anything interesting turn up while I was out?”

“Actually, yes. The neighbor Mr. Weiss mentioned – Reichert – I decided to check if he’d been arrested for anything before, so I went down to the archives and I found this.” She passes a file to Gereon. “The police picked him up after a bar fight last year. He’s a staunch Nazi, some kind of local big shot apparently.”

Gereon opens the file and lets out a noise somewhere between a laugh and a scoff.

“What is it?” Lotte asks.

“Sometimes I think this entire country is just a goddamn _village_ ,” Gereon says. “I know him. Indirectly. He’s from Cologne, his father and my father were in the police force together. And my brother Severin went to military school with him.”

“Well,” Lotte says, “I’m thinking now we have a motive, especially given what Mr. Weiss told us about his relationship.”

Gereon furrows his brow. “I wouldn’t be so sure,” he says. “There’s a surprising number of homosexuals involved in the Nazi party. Including Reichert, actually.”

Lotte raises her eyebrows. “Is there something you’re not telling me, Inspector?” she jokes. “You know I would have no problem with you being a homosexual – though it would mean I’d owe Gräf 10 marks – but if you’re secretly a Nazi…”

Gereon chuckles. “Oh, good lord no, couldn’t be further. And you know full well I am a completely heterosexual man. I’ve just heard some…interesting things from Severin about some of his military school classmates.” He smiles. “I’m not even going to comment on the ethics of making wagers based on a colleague’s sexuality.”

Lotte has to laugh at that. “Oh yes, we take our ethics quite seriously here.”

Gereon hands the file back to her. “We should call Reichert in,” he says. “And go to the building, ask if any of the neighbors heard any fighting.”

“We tried that the day we found the body,” Lotte points out. “They kept mum.”

“So instead of asking about Weiss or Weber, we ask about Reichert,” Gereon says. “See if anyone has to say anything about the Über-whatsit-führer next door.” He picks up Lotte’s coat and holds it out for her to put on. “Come on, we have a couple hours before they’ll start cooking dinner.”

Once again, Gereon lets Lotte take the lead in talking to the neighbors, and while they don’t find anything approximating a smoking gun they get enough evidence that Gennat signs off on an order to bring Reichert in for questioning the next day. When they arrive home, Toni is already in the kitchen working on more geometry homework, with a thick envelope on the table in front of her.

“That came for you, Gereon,” she says. “I haven’t opened it, I swear, I just moved it so you wouldn’t trip on it in the entryway.”

“Thank you, Toni,” Gereon says warmly. He turns the envelope over and his face lights up at the return address. “It’s from Severin,” he says. “I haven’t heard from him in months, I was getting worried.” He takes the envelope with him to his room.

Lotte tugs affectionately at one of Toni’s braids. “What about you, how was your day at school?”

Toni shrugs. “Okay.” She pauses thoughtfully. “If you ran away to New York would you write to me?”

“If I ran away anywhere,” Lotte says, “I’d take you with me. You know that.”

Toni nods. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen Inspector Rath that happy before,” she says. “He’s always so serious.”

Lotte smiles. “It takes a lot to make him happy,” she says. _He’s been through a lot_.

That night, Lotte wakes up gasping for air from a nightmare of her own, feeling the water in her lungs like a knife between her ribs. Quietly, so as not to wake Toni, she gets out of bed and goes out into the corridor, heading for the bathroom to splash some water on her face and calm herself down. A light in the kitchen draws her attention, and she finds Gereon sitting at the kitchen table with a pen in his hand, brow furrowed as he scribbles something on a sheet of paper in front of him.

“It’s late,” she says. _You should be in bed, you barely sleep as it is._

“I couldn’t sleep,” Gereon says. “Are you all right?”

“I’ll be fine.” Lotte sits down across from him. “Are you writing to your brother?”

Gereon nods. “I just…I’m struggling to figure out what I want to tell him.”

“What do you mean?”

Gereon sighs. “Last time I wrote to him was before…before Helga left. Before what happened between you and me. Before…before all this. I just don’t know what to tell him about it. Or if I even should – if you’d rather I didn’t, I won’t.”

Lotte reaches across the table and squeezes Gereon’s hand. “I don’t regret it, if that’s what you’re asking,” she says. “And if you want to mention this arrangement to your brother, you should. You should be honest with him.”

Gereon winces. “I haven’t been entirely honest with him so far,” he admits. “I never mentioned – well, anything really, not what happened after I came back from the war or how we nearly drowned or any of that. I don’t want him to worry.”

_Oh, Gereon_. Lotte wants to reach across the table and embrace him, run her fingers through his hair and soothe him and make sure that no one ever harms him again. “He’s your brother,” she says. “I mean – I don’t know what your relationship with him is like, but he’s your family. If you can’t even be honest with him…” She trails off.

“I know,” Gereon says softly. “It’s just…he’s an ocean away. I don’t want to worry him when there’s nothing he can reasonably do.”

For all intents and purposes, Lotte realizes, Gereon is completely alone in the world, and it breaks her heart. Even in the worst living situations, even when they didn’t know where their next meal was coming from, she and Toni always had each other, always looked out for each other. She aches to hold Gereon, to protect him and show him the kindness and love he deserves.

She squeezes Gereon’s hand again. “It’s late,” she repeats. “We should both go to bed. Would you like me to sit with you again, so you can sleep?” She’s asking just as much for herself as for him – she thinks that sleeping next to someone who lived through the same awful experiences might ease her own nightmares.

“That can’t be comfortable for you,” Gereon says. “Sitting up all night like that – I couldn’t expect you to keep that up.”

“It’s all right,” Lotte says. “Really. I wouldn’t offer if I didn’t want to do it.” She pauses. “We could share the bed,” she offers. “It’s big enough that we’d have our space, and we can roll up a blanket or something between us, if it makes you more comfortable.”

Gereon considers this, then shakes his head. “I couldn’t expect you to do that,” he says. “I don’t want to be a burden.”

“You wouldn’t be,” Lotte reassures him. “I’m offering because I care about you, truly.”

“No,” Gereon says. “You should go back to your own bed, Toni will wonder where you went.”

“All right,” Lotte says. “But…would you like a hug first?” She doesn’t know what compels her to say it, or to open her arms to him, but Gereon nods cautiously and lets her wrap her arms around him. At first he just stands still, and Lotte can feel his heart racing as she strokes his back soothingly. After a few moments, his arms wrap around her waist, pulling her closer.

“Thank you,” he whispers, pressing his face into her shoulder.

Lotte wishes they could stay like that forever, wishes she could keep holding Gereon long enough and hold him tightly enough to stick all the broken bits of him back together. But after a few more moments, Gereon pulls away.

“Thank you,” he says again.

“Sleep well,” Lotte says. “I’ll be in the next room if you need me.”

“You too,” Gereon replies. “See you in the morning.”

Lotte goes back to bed and falls into a restless sleep, plagued by dreams of Gereon shattering into a thousand tiny shards in her arms. She wakes up gasping, his name on her lips, to find that Toni has already gotten up. Lotte washes up and gets dressed and goes to the kitchen, where she finds Gereon and Toni eating toast with jam and talking about the letter from Gereon’s brother.

“The cat’s the size of a child, look, he even sent a photo,” Gereon says, sliding a picture across the table to Toni. “Good morning, Lotte,” he adds. “Coffee?”

“Yes, _please_ ,” Lotte says. As Gereon pours her a cup of coffee, she looks over Toni’s shoulder at the photograph, of a man she presumes is Gereon’s brother holding a giant fluffy cat. She can see the family resemblance – though Severin is clearly older and taller, they share the same sharp features and sunken, haunted eyes. She wonders if Anno looks like that too, or if he managed to avoid the pain that made its home in Gereon and Severin when they were young. From what Gereon has said, it seems more like he was the one inflicting it.

“Have they named him yet?” Toni asks.

“Not yet,” Gereon answers. “My brother’s angling for Toaster, because apparently he goes completely insane over bread.”

“I’ve always wanted a pet,” Toni says quietly, and Lotte remembers the birds and the fight they had over them. She resolves that when they find a new home, she’ll see about getting a cat.

“He’s cute,” she says. “The cat, I mean. And your brother too, I can really see the resemblance.”

Gereon’s lips twitch up in a miniscule half-second smile, and Lotte swears his cheeks turn slightly pink. “Our parents kept hunting dogs when we were young,” he says, “and our father was very strict about training them but Severin had a soft heart and always wanted to play with them or give them treats. They argued about it constantly. That cat’s going to be the most pampered beast in New York soon enough.”

Lotte chuckles and sips her coffee. She wonders, not for the first time, what Gereon was like as a child, whether he was as soft-hearted as his brother.

Gereon glances at his watch. “We should get moving,” he says. “Do you have everything you need for school?”

Toni nods. “I’m going to stay for a couple hours after school today,” she says, “Anna and I wanted to work on our history essays together.”

“Just make sure you get back before dark,” Lotte says. Toni nods.

On their way to work, Gereon stops at a mailbox and takes an envelope out of his coat pocket. He looks at it and curses under his breath. “I forgot about international postage,” he sighs. “I’ll have to go to the post office at some point.”

“Your brother?” Lotte asks. Gereon nods.

“I…I took your advice. I told him about…well, about some things. Not everything, but about you and a little about my nightmares.”

“That’s a good place to start,” Lotte says, squeezing Gereon’s arm and smiling. _I’m proud of you_ , she thinks but does not say.

Klaus Reichert is waiting for them in the interview room. Before they go in, Gereon turns to Lotte.

“I know Reichert,” he says. “Or rather, I knew him when we were younger. He’s…well, he’s an arsehole. And he’s probably not going to take kindly to questioning by…by a young woman.”

“Don’t sugarcoat it, Gereon,” Lotte says. “He’s got more of a problem with the woman part than the young part, right?”

Gereon nods. “At any rate, I’ll jump in to back you up whenever you need me.”

“Thanks,” Lotte says, pushing open the door to the interview room.

Reichert is exactly what Gereon warned her about. Lotte ends up sitting back to take notes while Gereon interrogates him, getting increasingly worked up as he goes along.

“We have testimony from about half a dozen of your neighbors that you had threatened Weber in the past,” Gereon says. “And two people say they saw you and one of your…associates in the corridor near his flat around the presumed time of death. Can you explain that?”

“That whole building’s full of Jews and queers,” Reichert deflects. “They’ve got grudges against me. My friend Max and I had just met up to go out for drinks together, that’s why we were in the corridor. You’ve got absolutely nothing significant on me, and until you produce something, I’m a free man.”

Gereon clenches his jaw. Lotte can see him trying to dig up something from the crime scene, and in a flash of inspiration she says, so softly that only he can hear, “The boot print.”

Gereon takes a few moments to process the information, then asks “What’s your shoe size, Klaus?”

“What the hell does that question have to do with anything?” Reichert bristles.

“We have some muddy boot prints in the flat that don’t match anything belonging to the residents,” Gereon says. “We’re guessing they belonged to our suspect.”

“Size 46,” Reichert spits. “But like I said, I had nothing to do with that queer falling out the window, so they’re not mine.”

He’s slipped up. Gereon pounces immediately. “I never said how Weber died.”

“I must’ve read it in the paper then. I had nothing to do with it.”

After the Phantom murders, the police force tightened their policy on speaking to the press. Gereon and Lotte know full well that the papers said nothing about the cause of death.

“Well, Klaus,” Gereon says thoughtfully, “I don’t suppose we have cause to detain you any further. I’m sure you won’t mind giving us your friend’s name and contact details, just so we can verify that what you told us was true…”

“It was him!” Klaus bursts out suddenly. “It was Max. Not me. The qu-Weber had left his door unlocked, Max thought it would be funny to go in and threaten him before heading to my place, and…he went out the window. Max told me afterwards, I didn’t see any of it and I had nothing to do with it.”

Lotte can see Gereon fighting to suppress a laugh. “My brother was right about you, Klaus, you’re terrible under pressure. I’m sure you won’t mind filling out a statement to that effect, with what you told us about Max? And we still need his full name and address so we can arrest him.”

Afterwards, they sit in Gereon’s office smoking.

“That went better than expected,” Gereon says.

“Don’t count your chickens yet,” Lotte says. “We’ve still got to get this Max bastard.”

“Nice work with the boot print, by the way,” Gereon says. “You’re good at thinking on your feet, you’d make a great attorney.” There was, of course, no boot print.

Lotte smiles. “Thank you, Gereon. But I haven’t decided to be an attorney just yet. Let’s see how this case wraps up.”

“Of course,” Gereon nods.

Later that evening, as she is finishing up a motion in Litten’s office, the topic comes up again.

“So,” Litten says, lighting a cigarette and offering the pack to her. “Have you made a decision yet, about my offer?”

Marie-Luise, already covering her typewriter for the night, pipes up, “I asked the admissions office at my school, they gave me some information about scholarships.” She roots around in her satchel and produces a few sheets of paper. “Here, look, if you score in the 95th percentile or higher on the entrance exam you can get a full scholarship.”

Lotte lets Litten light her cigarette and takes a drag before answering. “I’ve still got a major case with the police,” she says. “I’m…waiting to see how that goes. But I talked about it with my – with Inspector Rath last night. He’s encouraging me to try.” She turns to Marie-Luise. “What’s law school actually like? I mean, I left school to start working when I was 14, I don’t know – I don’t know if I’d even be able to keep up.”

“Well, I’m surrounded by some of the worst people in the country,” Marie-Luise says. “I wouldn’t trust them to light my cigarette, let alone defend the laws of our state. But primarily it’s just a great deal of reading, and a great deal of talking.” 

“And you’re excellent at both of those,” Litten says encouragingly. Lotte laughs.

“Thank you,” she says.

“You’re going to hate law school,” Litten admits. “That’s sort of a fact of life. All the best attorneys absolutely despised law school.”

“Why did you go, then?” Lotte asks.

“Because I knew I had to if I wanted to become an attorney. It’s an unfortunate requirement.” Litten turns to look for a book on one of his shelves. “I think I still have the notes I used to prepare for the entrance exam,” he says. “They should be around here somew – ah, here they are!” He turns back around and hands Lotte a slim notebook. “I got a perfect score with these,” he says. “And I’m confident you can too.”

Lotte absently rubs the spine of the notebook with her thumb. “Thank you,” she says quietly, still unaccustomed to anyone showing any confidence in her abilities.

“I’ll try to find my notes too,” Marie-Luise promises. “We’ll help you study. I’m going to start preparing for the bar exam in a couple of months, we can study together.”

“Thank you,” Lotte says again. “I’d like that.”

Lotte spends her whole walk home envisioning herself as an attorney, in a nice tailored suit, speaking before the court. To have so many people listening to her, giving her words weight and meaning and importance, seems almost intoxicating.

When she arrives home, Toni is asleep and Gereon is nowhere to be found. She spots a note on the kitchen table in his spiky messy script.

_Lotte – I had an appointment, I’ll be home late, don’t wait up. Toni’s safe in bed, don’t worry. Gereon._

Lotte puts the note back on the table and assembles a hasty dinner from what she can find in the cupboard and the icebox. After eating, she lights a cigarette and flips through Litten’s notes for the law school entrance exam. In his tidy blue-inked script, the logic puzzles don’t seem so intimidating.

She’s still studying when Gereon comes home, looking shaken.

“Where were you?” she asks as he hangs up his hat and coat. “I was worried.”

“I’m fine,” he says, almost snapping at her. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

Lotte takes a step back. She has seen Gereon like this once before, when she found him in the alley outside his building covered in cement and what could only have been blood, and he lost his temper with her. “I’m sorry,” she says instinctively, and Gereon softens.

“No,” he says. “I’m sorry. I just had…a personal appointment that’s put some strain on my nerves. I shouldn’t have snapped at you.” He goes to the liquor cabinet and pours himself a drink, then offers Lotte a glass.

“I’m all right, thanks,” she says. “We’ve got an early morning tomorrow, I think I’m just going to go to bed.”

Gereon nods. “All right. I’m sorry for snapping at you.”

“It’s all right,” Lotte says. “Really.”

“Sleep well,” Gereon says. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

“You too,” Lotte says, and Gereon just smiles sadly and sips his brandy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If anyone's considering law school, Litten and Marie-Luise are pretty much entirely correct about the experience.


	5. Chapter 5

When Gereon wakes up in the dead of night, shaking and drenched with sweat, he finds Lotte sitting in the kitchen smoking.

“Are you all right?” he asks. She jumps a little. “Sorry,” he adds quickly.

“It’s fine,” Lotte answers. “I’m all right, just…couldn’t sleep. What about you, what are you doing awake?”

Gereon grimaces. “It’s a bad night,” he says, pouring himself a glass of water from the tap and sitting down across from her. “I’ll be fine, I just need to…to shake it off.”

“You look awful,” Lotte says gently, then quickly adds, “I’m sorry, I just mean…you look exhausted.”

“I’m fine,” Gereon protests, but his heart isn’t in it. Every time he blinks he sees Anno’s face behind his eyelids, that cold, cruel smirk. _It’s not fair_ , he thinks.

“What’s not fair?”

Gereon blinks, surprised to find he’s accidentally spoken aloud. “It’s – it’s nothing. Sorry, I’m just kind of lost in my head.”

Lotte reaches across the table and gently touches his hand. “You don’t need to apologize,” she says softly. “Is there any way I can help?”

Gereon blinks rapidly, fighting the urge to cry. “It’s fine,” he says. “I’ll be fine. You don’t need to worry about me, really. Don’t – don’t waste your energy.”

“It’s not a waste,” Lotte says, still holding his hand. She gently rubs her thumb over his knuckles, and Gereon thinks that touch might break him.

“What about you?” he asks, changing the subject quickly. “What’s keeping you awake?”

“It’s nothing,” Lotte answers. “I just – oh, it’s silly, it doesn’t matter.”

“If it’s bothering you, it matters,” Gereon says.

“I just had a nightmare about…about when we went off the road into the lake.” She takes a drag on her cigarette. “I can still remember how it felt, drowning.”

“I’m sorry,” Gereon says.

“It’s fine,” Lotte says. “Really. It wasn’t your fault, you _saved_ me.”

“Is there anything I can do?” Gereon echoes her earlier offer.

“Just being able to talk to you helps,” Lotte answers. “Being close to someone who went through the same things – I feel like I don’t need to explain or justify anything to you.” She takes another drag on her cigarette and adds, “And I hope you know that you never need to justify anything to me. You’re not weak, you’re not a burden, you’re my _friend_.”

This is what finally pushes Gereon over the edge – the tears that have been building in his eyes overflow and he covers his face with his hands trying to compose himself.

“Oh, Gereon,” he hears Lotte say, and then he feels her hand on his shoulder, warm and gentle and soothing. It brings on a fresh wave of tears, and shame at being so weak, so emotional. _Stop being so pathetic,_ he tells himself. _Pull yourself together._

“Shhh, shh,” Lotte soothes, gently rubbing Gereon’s back. “You’re safe, it’s all right, everything’s all right.”

Gereon draws a few deep shaky breaths, blinking rapidly. He runs his hands down his face, then reaches for his glass of water and takes a few gulps. “I’m sorry,” he says.

Lotte, now standing beside him, still has her hand on his shoulder. “It’s all right,” she repeats.

“I should go back to bed,” Gereon says. “We both should.”

Lotte nods. “Should I – would you like me to spend the night with you?” she asks. “If it would make you feel safer…”

Gereon feels like a child again, and another hot spike of guilt and shame stabs through him as he nods wordlessly. _This is my home, I shouldn’t need anyone to help me feel safe in it, why am I so goddamn weak?_

Lotte gently steers him back to his room and waits for him to get into bed and get comfortable before sitting down on the edge of the bed.

“I can get another blanket,” Gereon says. “And an extra pillow, you should be comfortable.”

Lotte smiles. “Thank you, Gereon,” she says as he gets out of bed and fetches an extra pillow and blanket from the wardrobe. He gets back into bed and she lies down beside him, facing him. He feels her wrap an arm around his waist over the blanket and closes his eyes. He hasn’t been held like this in so long, hasn’t fallen asleep beside anyone in months. It feels so nice to not be alone.

When he wakes up in the morning, Lotte is still beside him, fast asleep, her arm still around his waist. He’s not certain, but it seems as though she pulled him closer in the night. He tries to extricate himself without waking her, but does not succeed – when he tries to move her arm she opens her eyes and pulls back immediately to give him space.

“Did you sleep well?” he asks. She nods.

“You’re so _warm_ ,” she says softly, smiling. “Like a human radiator. It’s lovely. What about you, how did you sleep?”

“Better,” Gereon answers. He can’t quite believe that Lotte stayed with him.

“Well,” Lotte says, sitting up and stretching, “I’m absolutely fine with keeping this arrangement going as long as you need it. I think it’s good for both of us.”

Gereon nods. _Don’t get attached_ , he thinks. _She’s going to move out soon_. He heads for the bathroom to wash up and shave, and then to the kitchen to make a cup of coffee. He finds that, after several days of eating proper breakfasts and dinners, he’s actually hungry, so he toasts some bread, and spreads a slice of it with butter and jam.

Lotte and Toni enter the kitchen just as Gereon is taking a bite of his breakfast.

“It’s good to see you eating,” Lotte quips, reaching for a slice of toast and spreading it thickly with jam. Gereon swallows and reaches for the coffee pot to pour her a cup. “Thank you,” she says.

Toni spreads a piece of toast with butter and jam and pulls a notebook out of her knapsack. “I’ve got a history test today,” she says, “and I’m still mixing up all the Ludwigs, why did we _ever_ have a monarchy? And why did they all have to have the same stupid name?”

Gereon chuckles. “I’m not so sure we’re doing much better as a democracy,” he points out.

“At least everyone has different names!” Toni exclaims through a mouthful of toast, making Gereon laugh as she spews crumbs all over the table. “Sorry,” she adds, sweeping the crumbs into a pile with the side of her hand.

“It’s all right,” Gereon says, still smiling. He glances at his watch. “We should get going. Good luck on your test, we’ll see you after school!” This time he doesn’t stop himself from affectionately patting Toni’s shoulder as he passes her on his way out.

“Bye, Gereon!” Toni calls after him. Gereon smiles – she’s finally dropped the formalities.

"She likes you,” Lotte says. “I’m…I’m glad you two get along so well.”

“She’s a wonderful kid,” Gereon replies. In truth, his efforts with Toni are in part a way to compensate for his catastrophic failures with Moritz. If he can keep one child on the right path…

“So, last night,” Lotte begins.

“I’m sorry,” Gereon interjects instinctively. “I shouldn’t have snapped at you, I feel horrible.”

Lotte gently touches his arm. “It’s all right,” she says. “Really. It’s not about that. At work yesterday – at Litten’s office, I mean – we were talking about me studying law again. Litten even loaned me the notes that he used to prepare for the entrance exam.”

“Oh?” Gereon tries not to sound too upset. He wants Lotte to do what she thinks is best, what will make her happy, but the idea of losing her again is almost unbearable.

“And I’ve been looking through them and…I think I might want to give it a shot,” Lotte says. “What do you think?”

“I think you’d be great at it,” Gereon says truthfully, feeling his heart sink. If she moves out and leaves the police force, she might as well be gone for good. “And…my offer still stands. You can stay with me while you study, I’ll look after Toni and do everything I can to help you.”

“Thank you, Gereon,” Lotte says. “You’re so kind.” She digs in her purse for her cigarettes, but Gereon takes his own out of his pocket and offers one to her before she can find one.

“Thank you,” she says again, as he lights his cigarette and extends the lighter to her.

“What are the test questions like?” Gereon asks. He’s spent so much time around lawyers, it seems strange to him that he never bothered to find out how they got started.

“Some logic puzzles, some legal history, some procedural questions – which seems strange to me, that we need to know procedure before we can even start studying the law, but it’s just another way to ensure that the spots available mostly go to children or grandchildren of lawyers.” Lotte takes a long drag on her cigarette. “It seems I’ll never escape nepotism.”

Gereon grimaces. He’s still reckoning with the nepotism that got him a job with the police, never sure whether he actually earned his position with homicide or just had the right name, how much of his career he owes to a father he despises. “You’re ten times as good as any of them,” he says. “You know it, I know it – and as soon as you show up in class they’ll know it too.”

Lotte laughs. “You’re my one-man promotional team, huh?”

“I’m just saying what everyone knows to be true,” Gereon replies.

Max Werner is waiting in an interrogation room when they arrive, having been arrested the night before. Gereon has learned to leave these arrests to the uniforms – it is better that he isn’t there, too easy for him to lose control of his anger. Even now, the sight of Werner in his brown uniform with the red armband makes Gereon’s blood boil.

“Good morning, Mr. Werner,” he says, keeping his voice as even as possible. “I’m sure you know why we’ve brought you here.”

“I’m not saying anything without a lawyer,” Werner spits.

“Of course.” Gereon says coolly. “But you should know, your buddy Klaus confessed yesterday.”

“You’re lying.” But Werner’s eyes widen slightly. He’s afraid.

“We’ve got the signed confession in our file. Miss Ritter, if you could – thank you.” Lotte hands Gereon the paper and he holds it up, out of Werner’s reach but close enough to show what it is.

Werner’s lip curls. “Did he tell you that _he_ was the one who picked the lock so I could get in?”

Of course it had been a team effort. So much for loyalty. “So you’re saying his prints will show up in the apartment as well as yours?” Werner and Reichert had been fingerprinted upon arrest – Ulrich may have been criminally insane, but the procedures he had put in place were highly useful.

“Probably. And more important, it was his idea in the first place.” Werner leans back in his seat.

“What do you mean?” Gereon asks.

“Nuh uh. I’m not telling you _anything_ unless we can make a deal.” Werner says.

Gereon clenches his jaw. “That’s up to the prosecutor,” he says. “But if you tell us the truth about Reichert’s plan, we’ll recommend reduced charges. Manslaughter instead of murder. And we might be able to drop the conspiracy charge.”

Werner considers it for a few moments, and Gereon tenses. If he doesn’t tread carefully, his whole case could crumble.

“Fine.” Werner says finally. “Klaus – he didn’t want to kill the Jew. That would be too obvious, it would get back to him immediately. He just wanted to harass him, to scare him off, get both of them to move out of the building and go somewhere else.”

_Damn_. So manslaughter might be the best they can hope for. “What was he trying to do?”

“He just wanted to break in, steal something, mess the place up. We didn’t think either of them would be home – but of course Weber was, lousy layabout doesn’t have an actual _job_ , just writing for that rag he calls a magazine.”

“Did he try to fight you?”

Werner scoffs. “Of course not. Fucking pansy grabbed the first thing he could get, a damn _butter knife_. Like he thought he could do anything with that.” He glances at Lotte. “Apologies for my language.”

Lotte’s lip curls like she’s about to say something scathing. Gereon gently touches her hand. _Don’t_ , he thinks, and somehow the thought gets through to her.

“So which one of you actually pushed him out the window?” he asks.

“Neither of us. Weber tried to go at Klaus, they fought, and Klaus threw Weber off so he had his back to the window. It was open and Klaus took a few steps towards Weber and he panicked and scrambled backwards and…fell out.”

“Really?” Gereon asks. “That seems awfully convenient.”

“Klaus’ll tell you the same thing.”

“Of course he will. It’s what happened. We never touched that _filth_.” Werner sneers.

Gereon hears a snap from beside him. Lotte’s broken her pencil. He wordlessly pulls his out of his jacket pocket and passes it to her before continuing the interrogation. “And while Klaus was menacing Weber, what were you doing? Why didn’t you stop him?”

“I did. I told him to stop, I said we should get out, and he just told me to stop being such a coward. I said we should leave as soon as I realized Weber was in the flat, but we were drunk and Klaus said we’d just break a few things and go.” Werner looks Gereon straight in the eye. “We never meant for him to die.”

“Why did you just leave him there, then? Why didn’t you call an ambulance?” Lotte asks. Gereon winces.

Werner laughs. “Inspector Rath, your secretary has an awfully rosy view of the world.”

“First of all, this is Detective Ritter,” Gereon says, “and you will treat her with the respect afforded to _any other officer_. And secondly, she’s right – why did you leave him to die, if you didn’t mean for him to die?”

“How would that look, Inspector Rath?” Werner asks. “A couple Nazis calling an ambulance for a Jew, and a queer at that? He had plenty of neighbors. We figured someone else would see him and call for help.”

Gereon grits his teeth. “Of course.” He draws a deep breath. “Now, would you be willing to fill out a statement with everything you just told us? When we bring it to the prosecutor we will inform him of your cooperation with us and ensure that you receive lighter charges.”

Outside the interrogation room, with Werner’s statement attached to Reichert’s, Gereon grins at Lotte.

“We’ve got them,” he says. She nods wordlessly and he can tell she’s still smarting from the “secretary” comment.

“I’m sorry,” he says. “But think of it this way – we got a confession, this is a clean open and shut case. And it wouldn’t have happened so fast if you hadn’t decided to check Reichert’s files.”

Lotte sighs. “I just wish…I just want _one_ case where I don’t get demeaned or underestimated or treated like I don’t belong. One single case where nobody assumes I’m the secretary.” She sighs. “I’ve seen some of the attorneys Litten works with, the clerks in the court – they’re women, but when they walk into the room no one thinks they’re there to take notes. People _listen_ to them.”

Gereon doesn’t know what to say. It’s not something he will ever be able to understand, he realizes – no matter how weak and broken, he’s still a man. Nobody will ever mistake him for a secretary. So he settles on “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you for standing up for me,” Lotte says, but Gereon can see that she’s made her decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Writing this chapter involved a lot of my Bar Prep Brain screaming "no that's not how you do criminal procedure" but a) there's no fifth amendment in Weimar Berlin and b) we all know Gereon doesn't give a fuck about procedure and all his cases should probably get hit with motions to suppress/dismiss at some point or another.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fluff! Pure sweet marshmallow fluff! Please enjoy.

That night, and every night after that, Lotte goes to bed with Gereon. They still sleep under separate blankets, but as close as they can get – sometimes holding hands, sometimes with their arms around each other. Lotte is relieved to find that her nightmares almost completely stop with Gereon beside her, and when she does have one just waking up to see him sleeping peacefully is enough to calm her racing heart.

Gereon too seems to be sleeping better – the dark circles under his eyes have started to fade, and Lotte is happy to see his appetite improving, a healthy new softness around his waist and a hint of color in his cheeks. He no longer looks like the terrified half-ghost she met just a few months earlier, but rather like someone finally starting to recover from a long illness.

They fall into an easy, comfortable routine – they eat breakfast together every day, and dinner most days, after which she and Gereon both help Toni with her homework, and then listen to one of Gereon’s records and talk late into the night. Lotte loves hearing about Gereon’s childhood, about all the wild rebellious things Severin did when they were young and Gereon’s favorite classes at school. She pictures young Gereon as a small, skinny child, wide-eyed and knock-kneed and quiet.

When she goes to Litten’s office, she no longer feels any anxiety about leaving Toni with Gereon – she trusts him, and more importantly Toni trusts him. It brings Lotte such joy to watch Gereon and Toni together – he has taken on the role of the big brother she never had, who helps her study and surprises her with chocolates and books and, after clearing it with Lotte, a few less-gory crime scene photos.

After wrapping up the Weber case, Lotte accepts Litten’s offer. “I’m going to try to take the entrance exam this spring,” she tells him one night. “If – if you’ll still help me study.”

“Of course,” Litten replies, grinning. “I can’t wait to welcome you to the profession.”

“I’ll be studying for the bar exam all spring,” Marie-Luise says. “We can study together!”

Lotte thinks, not for the first time, about how vastly different this law office is from the police station. Nobody there had ever offered to help her study for the forensic exams.

Lotte makes a half-hearted effort of checking flat listings in the newspaper, but deep down she wishes they could just stay with Gereon forever, as an odd little family. It’s the first time she can remember feeling safe and comfortable and welcome in her home.

One night Lotte wakes when she feels Gereon trembling beside her, whimpering in the throes of a nightmare.

“Gereon,” she whispers, squeezing his shoulder under the blanket. He doesn’t respond, so she tries again, a little louder. “Gereon! Gereon, wake up, it’s just a dream. You’re safe. Wake up!”

Gereon jerks awake, gasping and wide-eyed. Lotte waits for his eyes to focus on her in the dark. “Shhh, shh,” she soothes. “Shhh, you’re safe, it was just a dream, the war is over, you’re all right, I promise.”

Gereon reaches for her in the dark, and grabs her shoulders and pulls her closer. She wraps her arms around him, gently rubbing his back. “You’re all right,” she repeats. “Everything’s fine. You’re safe. I’m here.”

She hears his breath hitch and realizes that he’s crying. “Gereon, what’s wrong?” she asks gently. “Am I hurting you?”

“No,” he murmurs. “No, it’s just – “ he breaks off, sobbing. Lotte reaches to wipe the tears off his cheeks, which only makes him cry harder. She suddenly realizes that he must be starved for this kind of soft, tender human contact – she wonders if anyone has ever been there to wipe his tears.

“Shh, shh,” she soothes. “I’m here. I’m not leaving you. You’re safe.” She cups his cheek in her hand, stroking the scar there with her thumb.

Gereon rubs his eyes and sniffles. “I’m sorry,” he says, embarrassed.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. Are you all right?”

“I’ll be fine. I’m sorry. Go back to sleep.”

“I’ll stay awake as long as you need me. What were you dreaming about?”

“It’s silly,” Gereon says. “I – I shouldn’t be this upset about it.”

“But you are,” Lotte says. “So it’s important.”

Gereon sniffles. “Please stop being so kind to me,” he says softly. “It will only hurt more when you leave.”

“Oh, Gereon,” Lotte can feel her heart breaking. “Gereon, I’m not leaving you. Even when we move out, even if I leave the police, I’ll still be your friend. I’ll just be a phone call away. I promise. I won’t abandon you.”

Gereon’s lip quivers. “D-don’t make promises you can’t keep,” he whispers. “You’ll find a new flat, you’ll go to law school, and you’ll forget about me. You’ll meet someone better.”

Lotte’s heart shatters completely. “If it makes you feel any better, I haven’t had much luck finding a new flat yet.” Every listing is either far too expensive, or too far from either or both of her jobs. “And if I do move out, I’ll have to keep working with the police to cover the rent. So either way, I won’t be leaving you anytime soon.” She pauses, and gently squeezes his shoulder. “And anyway, I couldn’t forget you. And I don’t think I’ll ever meet anyone better than you. You’re the kindest, loveliest man I’ve ever met.” She feels tears prickling at her eyes and forces herself to keep her voice steady.

Gereon turns away, pressing his face into his pillow. “Please,” he says, his voice muffled. “I don’t deserve this.”

Lotte wants to wrap her arms around him again and pull him close, to surround him with love and kindness like it’s a warm blanket and he’s spent his whole life out in the cold. “Gereon,” she says softly, reaching out to touch his shoulder. “What do I have to do to convince you that I mean it?”

She doesn’t quite hear the answer at first – Gereon mumbles it into the pillow.

“What?” she asks.

Gereon turns to face her again, his eyes red. “Stay,” he whispers.

Lotte wraps her arms around his waist. “I’m staying,” she says. “As long as you want. I promise.”

“Thank you,” Gereon whispers. He closes his eyes and Lotte, overcome by tenderness, gently kisses the scar on his cheek before she can stop herself.

Gereon’s eyes fly open in surprise and Lotte pulls back, immediately apologizing. “I’m – I’m sorry, that was – I won’t do it again, I can go back to Toni if you want your space – “

Gereon cuts her off by kissing her cheek. “You said you’d stay,” he whispers, smiling. “So…stay.”

Lotte smiles too, and curls up closer to him. “Sleep well,” she whispers, putting her arm back around his waist.

“Sweet dreams,” Gereon whispers back.

He looks so small and delicate when he’s asleep, long eyelashes brushing sharp cheekbones and pale skin almost glowing in the light from the streetlamp outside. Lotte watches him for a while, as his breathing slows and his body softens in sleep. “I won’t leave you,” she whispers. “I promise.” _I love you,_ she thinks but doesn’t say. She wants to destroy the people who made him believe he wasn’t worthy of kindness. But more than that, she wants to erase the memories of their cruelty, fill his life with the kindness and love he deserves.

When Lotte wakes in the morning, Gereon is already up and shaving by the mirror in the corner of the room. He’s wearing only an undershirt and boxers, and Lotte takes a moment to admire the tight lean muscles in his legs. The scars from his shootout with Bruno are still visible on his shoulders, dark pink blotches against his pale skin. Lotte rolls onto her back and quietly watches him maneuver the razor over the sharp planes of his face, focused deeply on the task at hand. He catches sight of her in the mirror and his hand jolts.

“Damn!” He curses softly as a faint line of red snakes down his cheek. Lotte gets out of bed and crosses the room to him, picking up the fluffy white towel on his shaving table.

“Let me help.” She presses it to the cut on his cheek. Gereon puts the razor down in the basin and reaches up to take the towel from Lotte. His fingers gently brush against hers, and she smiles.

“Now you’ll be symmetrical,” she jokes, softly, and after a moment Gereon cracks a smile.

“How did you sleep?” he asks, turning back to the mirror and putting the towel down.

“Great,” Lotte answers. “I’m sorry for…distracting you.”

“It’s all right,” Gereon says. He turns back to face her and Lotte realizes that they’re standing very close together. Before she can step back, Gereon closes the few centimeters between them and kisses her, softly but passionately, the way he did at Gräf’s party so long ago.

This, Lotte realizes, is what she’s been waiting for all her life. This soft, casual intimacy with no expectations, no duties owed, no strings or debts. When Gereon pulls back, his eyes are wide and questioning. Lotte answers his unspoken question with another, shorter kiss.

“We have to get ready,” she whispers. Gereon nods and picks up his razor, and she heads for the bathroom to wash up and put on makeup.

Toni is already awake when Lotte comes into their bedroom to get her clothes. “You look happy,” she says.

“I am,” Lotte says.

Toni hesitates for a moment. “Are we – are we staying?” she asks hopefully.

Lotte smiles. “Yes. For a while, at least.”

“I’m glad,” Toni says. “I…I like Gereon. He’s always so kind. And I like living here.”

Lotte sits down on the bed beside Toni and gives her a quick hug. “So do I.” She ruffles Toni’s hair. “Come on, you have to get ready for school.”

Toni bounces out of bed obediently, and Lotte heads to the kitchen to find Gereon, not fully dressed, standing by the stove brewing coffee. She touches his arm, and he turns to her.

“So,” he says.

“So,” she says.

They stand in silence for a few moments, then Gereon asks, “Have you decided?”

“About what?”

“Law school.”

“Oh,” Lotte says. She takes a moment to consider. “Yes. Yes, I think…I think I want to try for the entrance exam this spring.” It is November now, and the exam is in April, which gives her nearly five months to prepare. “I’ll keep working part time while I study – three days a week with the police and three with Litten. And of course…I’ll stay here as long as you need me.”

“I’m happy to help with anything you need while you’re studying,” Gereon says. “And I’d love to help you study, if I can – really, if there’s anything I can do to help, I’ll do it.” He smiles softly. “And…I’d be perfectly happy if you stayed here forever.”

Before Lotte can respond, Toni comes into the kitchen and grabs a piece of toast off the table, spreading it with jam. Gereon turns to her.

“Good morning,” he says. “What have you got going on today?”

“A geometry test,” Toni grimaces. “And we’re getting our history tests back.”

“Good luck,” Gereon says. “I’m sure you’ll do great.”

Toni smiles. “Thanks, Gereon.” She glances at the clock. “I have to run, I promised my friends I’d study with them before class.”

“Be safe,” Lotte calls after her as she dashes out of the flat, a half-eaten piece of toast in her hand.

Gereon hands her a cup of coffee, already doctored to her liking with cream and sugar. This tiny thing – that he bothered to pay attention, to learn how she likes her coffee – warms her heart.

“Thank you,” she says softly, and takes a sip. It’s perfect.

“I meant what I said,” Gereon says. “About…staying forever.” He looks at her hopefully, with those beautiful wide grey-blue eyes.

After a few moments, Lotte admits “I’d like to stay forever too. And so would Toni, I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this comfortable and happy anywhere. She’s finally getting a chance to be a normal kid.”

“She’s a wonderful kid,” Gereon says.

Lotte sips her coffee. “But…forever is a very long time,” she says. “I just – it’s not that I don’t want to spend it with you, but I don’t want to be tied down.”

“I’m not tying you down,” Gereon says, sipping his own coffee. “You and Toni are always welcome here, for as long as you need, no matter what happens. I – I really enjoy having you here. But if you ever want your space, if you ever want to move out, if you ever find someone else – you’re free to do so. I won’t stop you.”

“I don’t want to tie you down either,” Lotte says.

“There’s no danger of that,” Gereon says. “I – I don’t think I’ve ever felt this way about…well, anyone.”

Lotte doesn’t know how to respond to this. They both finish their coffee quickly, and Gereon glances at his watch and says, “Well. We should get going.”

As he’s buttoning his jacket, Lotte finally finds the words. “I love you,” she says, so softly that not even she can hear it. Gereon turns around.

“Sorry?”

“I love you,” Lotte repeats, louder. “I love you, and…and I don’t now if that changes anything, but…I wanted you to know.”

Gereon responds by kissing her again, which Lotte thinks is probably the best response she could have gotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised tooth-rottingly-sweet fluff so HERE IT IS.  
> I'm going to add one more epilogue-type chapter to wrap this all up. Thank you all for sticking with me through...whatever this was. 16000-some words of self-indulgence.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something short and sweet to wrap this all up.

Gereon jerks awake in the dark to find the bed empty. He sighs, and gets up to go looking for Lotte.

He finds her in the kitchen, poring over her notes again. He bends to kiss the top of her head, making her look up at him.

“It’s 3 AM, darling,” he says. “Come back to bed.”

“I _can’t_ ,” Lotte responds. “The exam is in six hours, I need to study.”

Gereon kisses her forehead. “You’re not going to learn anything new right now. The best thing you can do is get a few more hours of sleep. I promise, you’re going to be brilliant.”

Lotte sighs. “I can’t sleep,” she says. “I’m too…well, too nervous. This could change the rest of my life, I never thought I’d be able to go to university.”

Gereon sits down in the chair next to her. “You’ve been studying for months with one of the best lawyers in the city. You’ve gotten perfect scores on your last three practice tests. You know this stuff, and you’re going to do brilliantly, and you’re going to go to law school and become an amazing attorney. If you don’t score high enough this time around you can retake it in September. Everything will be all right.” He takes her hand and gently strokes his thumb over her knuckles. “But you need to sleep, you need to be well-rested. Come back to bed, sweetheart.” He kisses her knuckles, the back of her hand, the inside of her wrist.

When Lotte still seems reluctant to budge, Gereon breaks out his last resort. “I can’t fall asleep without you,” he says softly. “Come back to bed with me. Please.”

Lotte finally puts the notebook down. “All right,” she says, and follows Gereon back to bed.

In the morning, Gereon wakes early to make breakfast for Lotte and Toni – he’s finally added scrambled eggs to his limited cooking repertoire – and he and Toni walk Lotte to the law school to take her exam. Gereon kisses her – “for good luck” – before she disappears into the imposing column-fronted building, then turns to Toni.

“Listen, I had an idea – and feel free to tell me I’m an idiot – but…I wanted to get your sister a gift when she finishes her exam. Something small, just to cheer her up after how hard she’s been working for the last few months.” He fidgets with his cuffs nervously. “I was thinking a nice pen she can use for her notes when she starts law school. Would she – do you think she would like that?”

Toni thinks for a few moments, then says, “Yes, but not one of those fancy ones – something practical. Something she can carry around in her pocket without ruining it or her clothes.”

“Of course,” Gereon says. “Do you want to help me pick one out? There must be a stationer’s shop around here somewhere…”

Toni nods and they head off in search of a shop. They eventually find one a few blocks away from the law school, and Gereon leans over a display of German-made pens.

“What about that one?” He points to a sleek cigar-shaped pen at the back of the case. Toni shakes her head.

“Too big,” she says. “I don’t think it’ll be comfortable on the go. This one looks good though,” she says, pointing at a smaller pen beside it, black with a mother-of-pearl inlay along the barrel.

“And it looks like it holds a lot of ink too,” Gereon says. “That’ll be convenient for long lectures.” _Or interrogations or case notes,_ he thinks, but then stops himself – he needs to get used to the idea that Lotte is quitting the police force.

They buy the pen, and a bottle of emerald green ink that matches the hat Lotte wore on the day Gereon met her – Toni teases him good-naturedly for remembering it, and Gereon admits to being a little too sentimental for his own good – and the shop owner wraps it up and ties a ribbon around the box.

They wander around for a while, stopping to buy ice cream and sitting on a park bench to eat it, and return to the law school just as Lotte is coming back out.

“How did it go?” Toni asks.

“Not too bad,” Lotte says. “They’re going to post the results in a week, Marie-Luise said she’d call me and let me know so I don’t have to go out of my way if they’re disappointing.”

“They won’t be disappointing,” Gereon says, kissing her cheek. “We got you something while you were in there,” he adds, presenting her with the pen box.

Lotte unwraps the box carefully and opens it, gasping when she sees the pen. “Oh, Gereon, it’s _beautiful_ ,” she says. “Thank you so much!”

“If you’re going to be going to law school you’re going to need a good pen for all those lectures,” Gereon replies, pulling her close and kissing her again. “Now come on, let’s go home.”

A week later, Lotte and Gereon are sitting in the kitchen drinking coffee when the phone rings. Lotte grabs it frantically.

“Marie-Luise?” she asks. “Yes…yes okay I’m sitting down, just tell me!!!”

Gereon cannot hear the other side of the conversation but he watches Lotte’s jaw drop, her eyes widening.

“NO!” she shouts. “No! You’re joking! No, I don’t believe you.” A pause, then a laugh. “No, no, don’t tear the paper down, the other students are going to want to see their scores. Yes. Yes, he’s right here waiting for me to tell him how I did. All right. Yes, I’d love that. Thank you for calling me. I’ll see you at the office tomorrow, have a good night!” She hangs up the phone. 

“So?” Gereon asks.

“Ninety-seven percent!” Lotte exclaims. “I’m going to law school, and I’m getting that scholarship!”

Gereon jumps out of his seat and rushes to hug her, lifting her and spinning around while she laughs. “Congratulations!” he says. “I’m so proud of you.”

When he sets Lotte down, he sees that she’s crying.

“Oh, darling,” he says softly, reaching to wipe the tears from her cheeks. “What’s wrong?”

Lotte sniffles. “No, nothing’s wrong, I’m just…so _happy_ ,” she says. “I never thought this would happen, I never thought I’d be able to go back to school, to university.”

Gereon kisses her. “I’m so, so proud of you,” he repeats.

“I couldn’t have done it without you,” Lotte says. “Really. If I’d never met you, if Toni and I hadn’t moved in with you – oh, thank you, for everything!” She squeezes him tighter, pressing her face into his shoulder.

“You don’t need to thank me,” Gereon says. “You’re my friend. No, you’re my _family_.” And for the first time, he truly believes those words.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me through this long ridiculous fic! I just wanted to give Gereon and Lotte and Toni the happiness they deserved.  
> Also wow I wish I had a partner like Gereon to reassure me before the bar exam...


End file.
